


I Have Multiple, Thank You

by flordecai



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Other, drunk killing his liver meets insane doctor who is just... Zed, this is what happens when you have a doctor without a medical license
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 04:21:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10506237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flordecai/pseuds/flordecai
Summary: Mordecai was the poster child for why donated livers never went to alcoholics. So much damage had been done to his liver in his lifetime, Zed had, at one point considered letting the damn bastard just kill himself and be revived at a New-U station- and then, an idea came to him. What if he gave the drunken sniper multiple livers?





	

I rarely went to visit Zed for anything. As a rule, using his vending machine was a safer way to ensure your health remained sustained. If you were to go into his shop at any given point in the day and you were destined to either watch a Psycho being experimented on- or end up helping the sick doctor in one of his non-medical experiments that involved most likely killing a person with an elemental weapon. How many times had we mistakenly wandered into his shop after he arrived in Sanctuary and ended up seeing rather disturbing scenes? I had lost track, but it made enough of an impression for me to avoid the place entirely.

But today… Well, today was the exception to my normally regulated rule. And that was thanks to the stabbing pain in my abdomen, causing me to puke blood. Now, I may not be a doctor, but I can almost guarantee that puking blood is _not_ a good sign, not at all. So, much to my disappointment and discomfort, I ended up standing outside of Zed’s as the citizens of Sanctuary went about their evening without a care for what I was doing.

When I eventually dragged myself into Zed’s room, I found that, for the first time since he came to Sanctuary, the table he normally had a subject on was completely empty.

“Dear god, boy, you look like hell.” Zed huffed, crossing his arms as I shuffled over to his table, flopping myself onto it and groaning. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Puking… Blood, massive amount of… Discomfort and pain.”

“You know I don’t have a medical license, right?”

“Zed, just fuckin’ fix me…” I whined pathetically, hearing Blood cry from her perch outside. She knew something was wrong and disliked being separated from me. Had I trusted Zed not to kidnap her, I would have allowed her to come in with me, but… Zed wasn’t trustworthy around my bird, already having tried to capture her to experiment on her before. So outside Blood stayed, safe from this damn psycho.

I spent the following three hours drifting in and out of consciousness as the psycho doctor examined me, spending most of his time hacking apart a bandit he tied down- you know, for reference. Eventually, he discovered what was going on and patted me on the shoulder, a grave look upon his face.

“Sorry kid, you’re dying.”

“... Everyone is dying on this damn planet, what the fuck are you saying?” I scoff, shoving his hand away.

“Your liver is shot.” He shrugs, going over to kill the bandit, staring at the hacked apart body in silence. I just stare after him, a hand on my side as I watch him. I knew I was a heavy drinker but… Hot damn, I killed my liver, before I was even fuckin’ forty? Just as I was beginning to come to terms with the inevitable and go off myself so I could simply start over at the nearest New-U station, Zed stopped me from standing up, a crazed look in his eyes.

“I got an idea, kiddo.” He smirked, pulling his medical mask over his face as he rubbed his hands together maniacally. “What if.. What if we take this liver from this bandit and replace yours?”

“Okay, great but I can get a new one without the risk of surgery from the New-U station.” I sigh, wanting to simply drink myself into death at this point when Zed turns to me, the blood making his already psychotic look more… threatening.

“No, but what if… What if I give you more than one?” He grinned.

“... What the actual fuck are you saying old man?”

“Think about it, they all would fit on top of each other, like layers. When one goes bad, we just remove it and attach the one under it to wherever the hell it belongs. You’d be able to drink without having to kill yourself to get a New-U. Plus, its completely free! Just kill some bandits and bring them here!” He laughed, throwing his hands up in the air in glee. “I’m a genius! They should give me my license back now!”

  
_So seven botched liver transplants and a highly risky surgery later, I became the… proud owner of seven livers._


End file.
